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Child Abuse - Effects of Domestic Violence

child abuse,father,home,domestic violence,young
Sunday, 7 February 2010


(With heart felt sympathies, dedicated to all children who are/were abused)

From my childhood, I was always attached to my mother. My mother was strict and stern, but always had an all-encompassing love for me. When I did something ‘wrong’, she always do justice in her own way, sometimes by making me understand and sometimes by beating with a stick. Whereas, my father was aggressive and whenever he was angry, he used to throw things at me whatever handy. Once he threw a vettu kathi (large knife) when I was running away from him and it just missed my leg by a few inches.

Slowly, I developed a kind of animosity against my father. I did not have any respect for him for the way he treated me. I used to help the family whatever way I could, even during exam days. Some days we did not have a meal and we were somehow surviving like many other families in my village.

Meantime, I passed SSLC (10th Grade Secondary School Leaving Certificate) at the age of 15 and could not go for higher studies. Luckily, my maternal uncle called me to Bombay (now Mumbai) to help him in his tailoring shop. Again, when my uncle was angry, I was doing everything to avoid him. Since I was not taking much interest in the tailoring shop, he asked me to join a commercial institute to study typewriting and shorthand. Finally, I ended up in a good job and completed my higher studies.

I could not develop a good relationship with my father even at the age of 25. One of my friends took me to a 2-weekend training workshop called ‘Forum’. During the workshop, we were asked to write the names of persons with whom one has a sore relationship. I wrote the names of my father and my uncle. In one of the exercises, I was asked to communicate with all feelings what needed to be communicated to the person sitting besides me, considering that he/she is my real father / uncle. After doing this exercise, my head lost its heaviness and felt a lot of peace inside me. Later on, when I went back to my family, I spoke everything to my father.

He told me that, he did not have any dislike for me, and on the contrary he said if he really wanted to hurt me, he could hit the vettu kathi (knife) exactly on me!!! I was surprised when he said so and cried at his feet and received his blessings. Ever since, my relationship with him is fantastic indeed. We had a very good get-together last year for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary and my father’s 80th birthday.

Later on, I discovered an acquaintance of mine has similar difficulty. His total relationship was only with his mother. He was an abused child at home and also developed a strong dislike for his father. He was not in talking terms with his brother for a long time. His father is dependent on him and has attempted suicide twice. Even at the age of 50, he could not forgive his father for the scar he left in him from childhood days.

During the ‘Forum’ sessions, there were discussions on relationship. The Forum coach (I remember her name as Nami Kominami, a Japanese lady who lost her parents during World War II bombings) mentioned that the source of any human relationship is one’s parents. If the child’s relationship with his/her father is not working, his relationship can sour any time with a male. Similarly, if relationship with mother is not so good, one cannot have a lasting relationship with females. Even to establish a relationship with God, one has to start from parents. Indian culture also says “Matha-Pitha-Guru-Daivam’’; i.e. relationship starts with mother, then father, then the teacher and then only could we establish an experiential relationship with God.

I realized that my acquaintance, even at the age of 50, is still in his childhood, although his body is developed into adulthood. My prayer is that, he should be able to pardon his father for whatever he had done and both should re-establish and enjoy their relationship when his father is alive!

Our scriptures say when you look at any child, you will see Narayana (God) in him. He is so pure; he has a small body with a big mind. Then how can we abuse him? If values and qualities are nurtured at home, no child will become a criminal or develop a non-tolerant attitude towards his peers/mates.

Nowadays, there are only one or two children in every home. Still I wonder even for silly things children commit suicide; there is no tolerant attitude. I think we are not making the child understand what is happening at home and instead are comparing with other children. Once there is open discussion, things will look different. And the child will develop into a beautiful human being, harmonizing with self and Nature.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu, Ohm Shanti, Shanti, Shantihi !!!

(Let there be happiness to everyone and the whole universe; let there be peace and peace only)

Do feel free to post your Comment

Manoj writes from India:

Nice articles. Keep blogging.

February 9, 2010 Roshan Kumar writes:

I understand that Werner Erhard is the founder of Est Educational Association in USA, which conducts educational workshops and seminars, e.g. Erhard's Standards Training (EST), Communication Workshop, Forum, etc. Dr Nami Kominami is a coach for Forum workshop. She was only 2 years when she lost her parents in World War II bombings and US military took her to USA and looked after her.

When you go through Google search, you can find Werner Erhard's biography. Recently, a film is being made to reflect his ideas and views.

Editor: Please note the added hyperlink for Werner Erhard.

February 9, 2010 Ravi Kumar writes:

It is observed that the abused children don't feel at home and they look elsewhere for recognition. They become egoistic and roar to the world that "I am something."

There are 100 reasons for hating one's own father or mother, but there is only one reason to love them because they are our parents and THE SOURCE for us to come to this world! If there are blocks to this source, the love doesn't flow to reach the ocean of universal love where God dwells (Swami Vivekananda).

February 24, 2010 Rajendran writes from India:

A nice article. I enjoyed reading this. I strongly believe that our parents are the living GOD for us. Love them, worship them and admire them. With their blessings we will have success.

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